


Loki: Lost and Found

by FyreCrafted



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: C-PTSD, Fuck Cannon, Gentle Loki, Loki lived bitches, Miscarriage, NSFW, Other, PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Sex, Soul Bond, Soul mate, lost pregnancy, mentions of abuse, mentions of torture, shirtless Loki, soulbond, soulmate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2020-10-25 04:42:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20718275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FyreCrafted/pseuds/FyreCrafted
Summary: In the first scene of Infinity War we see Loki apparently die... but... did he?No. He did not.(If you're looking for some sort of dark/villain Loki he does not live here. Go elsewhere. Here we have complex Loki who has been through shit and it effects him, as it would anyone.)





	1. Does Even Death Reject Me?

I should be dead... Again. Perhaps something within me keeps pulling me back to this mortal coil. Could it be that my existence is so utterly revolting, that even death refuses to accept me? I cannot fathom how it is possible for me to be conscious in the void of space while my body is nearly frozen to the core. The moment before my eyes frosted over and blinded me, I saw my skin taking on my grotesque Frost Giant form. Oh Norns, please do not let me die in this wretched form... my true form, please let me die wearing the mask I chose to hide this truth I wish were not true.  


There is not even air to breathe, yet my mind still refuses to go still from oxygen deprivation. Most species brains will function for a while after their needs are no longer met. Usually descending into layers of madness that seem to make seconds drag on for what feels like hours or days. It could be that I am merely living withing a second that deems to torture me by feeling like an eternity.  


A while ago I saw bright lights through the ice encasing my eyes, so close, but then they left. Darkness returned. It became the only thing other than the pain within my mind. I am grateful that the physical pain seems to have stopped. Though, if anyone were to find me, as I thaw I fear the pain returning until I can heal my damaged nerve endings. 

I have no way of knowing how much time has transpired since... I do not want to think about it. I may be delusional though, I could swear I felt scanners of some sort interact with me in some manner. It was not a physical sensation, but more of an interaction with some of my more extra-sensory abilities. I am fucking narrating my own internal dialog at this point... Great. 

Something is different. I am moving. I can hear. Hearing means air... I am no longer in the vacuum of space. “Get him to medical NOW” How long has it been since I heard the voice of another? I feel myself warming slowly, and awareness slowly fade out. 

I am aware that there is lapses of time between the flickers of cognition. Their medical treatments and my healing abilities seem to making slow, yet steady progress on my wounds. 

Darkness... Consciousness... Fighting each other over my being. Thor. Thanos. All the Asgardian refugees... I must get up. I must fight. The room blurs and spins, the floor comes fast. A medic shouts something I cannot hear over the roaring in my ears. I resist the retching, but my body overwhelms my will. Blackness returns.

Dust. My mind is clear now, and the first thing I see as I open my eyes is dust. The air is thick with it. Painfully someone is wailing “No, no... please no.” A short, human-looking person wanders in, looking very lost and in shock. Their face is coated in tears and this dust. “He did it... Thanos...”

“The stones? He... You mean this is the crew? Half of the universe gone... WHILE I SLEPT?” Fury filled me, at least until I saw them collapse to the floor, picking up piles of dust and trying to reform them somehow. These people were evidently close to them. “I'm so sorry, we cannot lose ourselves right now.” I kneel before them and try to stop them gently. “We will find a way to properly and respectfully deal with all of their remains as soon as we can, but right now we must ensure our own survival. Is there anyone else that survived?” They collapsed, wailing, and unable to respond. I stand, and lift them in my arms. “OH FUCK, I guess I am NOT fully healed quite yet...” Pain shoots through various partially healed wounds and I finally hear how off-pitch my voice is, logical, due to the assault I experienced at the hands of... Wait, how did they know who Thanos is? I guess I will have to wait until they are in a better state of mind before asking them.

This room seems right. They are sobbing quietly in my arms, some... something inside me feels like it wants to awaken. Something I thought I had culled off, a strong desire to protect this small creature at any cost. Fuck, I do not wish to deal with such... emotions... right now. 

I lay them down on top of their bed and drape a blanket over them. They immediately curl into a mournful ball and fall asleep. Now to tend to things to make sure we both survive all this, maybe keeping my mind and body busy will distract me from all the pain in my body and mind... One can only hope.


	2. Kitten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The captain awakens from their shock-induced slumber only to find a mischief god to be the sole survivor other than them-self.

I slept, but not well. Nightmares plagued me. Memories of traumas long past kept me in their grasp without permitting me to awaken and flee from their grasp. All the people I had left in my life kept dissipating into ashes. Over and over... and that laugh, it was as if he knew how much pain he caused me. 

I finally wake up. The nightmares were real. He had killed my entire crew with a click of his fingers. Once again, the Mad Titan has taken revenge on my inability to do his bidding. 

I may be the only one left on my ship, and I dont think its possible for me to be able to keep it operable alone. Isolation is deadly to my people, did he do all this just so I would die in the most painful way possible for my kind?

A clattering of metal on metal pulls me from the depths of my woes. “FUCK!” Oh good. I'm not alone... but then again that isn't a voice I know... I run to the source of the sound and remember the guy we saved in the wreckage. Poking my head into an open hatch verifies my suspicions. “Oh, you're awake. You seemed to be in a serious state of shock before, so I put you to bed. I hope I did not act inappropriately.”

“No, but how did you know which was mine, and what he fuck are you doing to my ship?”

“The smell. Your room had your scent all over it. Cattish have a very distinctive scent if you're a species who can pick up on it. And, as to what I am doing to your ship, it is in serious need of a few repairs that I happen to know how to fix, so I made myself useful as well as making sure we could survive a bit more. If we don't make certain adaptations to major systems, we won't survive long.” He climbed out of the hatch, his body is drenched in sweat and he pulls off his shirt and wipes his face with it before tossing it across the room. “I don't do so well in this heat... Um... are you alright? You seem to be purring...”

“Uh, am I? Heh, I didn't even notice.” I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. This is not a usual reaction for me, even with someone I find attractive. 

“Pardon, but I must ask you a pretty intrusive question. When was your last heat?”

“I've never had one yet. I'm still much too young to have it happen yet.”

“And would you know if you were in the beginning stages of it?”

“I don't know? Why?”

“I am pretty sure the trauma may have caused yours to come early. Your first is not a thing to be toyed with. How familiar are you with your species' reproductive biology?”

“I've been through much worse without it being triggered, and I know quite a bit. The royal family gets trained rigorously in this stuff because we have to lead our people and stuff... I mean... we... we had to... before.”

“Wait, what happened? The Cattish Homeworld was fine last I heard.”

“Thanos. I disappointed him, so he destroyed my world and made me watch. I didn't... I didn't want to do what he was forcing me to do, and I couldn't. So he... he... killed everyone. I'm the last of my kind.” I nearly collapsed, but he caught me somehow and gently rocked me as I cried. 

“The mind stone... Cattish... You're immune to the effects of the stones, but you can wield them, if I'm not mistaken. Oh Norns, I hope they didn't do to you what they did to me, but Im guessing they did, or at least something similar.” He sighed deeply and started mindlessly combing his fingers through my hair. “Unfortunately I was able to be controlled with it. Not fully, but... well enough. Even though I did what I could to diminish the lives lost, there were still too many... I tried. I didn't want to hurt all those people. Why the fuck didn't Thor notice I wasn't in my right mind, or that I wasn't using most of my abilities? If I had truly desired to have won, nothing would have stopped me... Why did my brother... no... we aren't though... but still, why did he not notice?” I heard him sniff the air, then brush the hair off my shoulder and sniff my neck. “Oh no...” he muttered in a worried voice. He licked my neck and immediately scooped me up and started headed to my room. “Shit. Kitten, you are most definitely in heat, and its accelerating much too quickly. If I don't lay with you right now, you will not survive the hour. Please, if there is any coherency left in you, please give me consent to help you. I do not want to do this without your permission... please...” He shook me gently as he laid me out on the bed. I managed to weakly nod. “Thank you. I'm going to fix this.” a green glow filled the room and we were both unclothed. No. Wait. You can't!

“Wait.” I weakly whispered. He froze and stared at me alertly. “You're Asgardian. It will kill me.”

“No Kitten. I am not. Im a Frost Giant.” His form changed. So small for his kind. Beautiful. So beautiful. “I know about your species. I would not have offered to do this if I was not compatible with your kind. Hush now. I am going to be as gentle as I can, but it will not be comfortable for you. Its okay for you to pass out. I can tell you are on the edge of doing so, don't fight it. I will make sure you are all right. I promise.” as I faded out, somehow I knew, beyond a measure of a doubt that he meant this with every possible shred of sincerity. 

I'm unsure how much time has passed, but I start coming to. I'm being held in his arms, he rocks me nervously and repeatedly mutters 'please wake up' in a deeply pained whisper. I moan, but it sounds far away, like it was me, but not... He sighs with anxious relief. “Well, Its not what I would hope for, but at least you won't die from this... It seems I have myself a spouse now.” a relieved chuckle escaped his lips “Hmmm... I will need to know your name eventually, my little Kitten. Let us sleep now and both recover a bit more before we have to focus on our further survival, Okay?” I try to nod, and he shifts us into a more comfortable position, spooning me and wrapping me in his arms. I feel something in him uncoil a bit as I fall back asleep.


	3. Torment and Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very short, I know. I havent written in a while, so at least I got something done ^_^
> 
> Warning: mention of future pregnancy and loss is in here. if that is triggering please do not carry on, as it will be a plot point later on.

“You really are the worst brother”  
Ghosts of words taunted and tormented. Ripping him from sleep with jolt I feared would wake my bedmate. Fortunately they had only made a small noise and re-positioned, snuggling even closer. I dreaded prying myself from the warmth of this delicate creature. Foreign feelings of comfort and tenderness towards me are both welcome, needed, and obscurely alien to me. I tried for a while to dismiss those horrid memories and let the peacefulness wash over me and release me to sleep. When I drifted off and woke up flailing I walked to the cockpit and sat there, staring at my own reflection in the viewport.

Still I sit here, I staring at my blue skin, lines etching across its surface. How can my own natural face be something unnervingly unknown to myself? Does he who I thought was my brother truly hate me? What happened to him? Oh, I hope he is alright. I wonder how many survived from the world I knew all my life. Were there even any survivors? Would Thanos have punished me by wiping out all of the Asgardians that were left? 

All I did to try and prevent that wretched snap. All for naught. It happened, and damned nearly marooned us in space. Imbecilic plan. Completely preposterous. Rants about this and bouts of self-hatred swell in my mind for what I assume is hours... Until I hear the softest of footfalls, and that delicate creature walks into the room. They rub their eyes with their barely balled up fists, fighting to wake more, though they obviously needed much more sleep. 

“Okay?”

“Yes Kitten, I'm alright. I just couldn't sleep.”

“Okay.” They walked up to me, and gingerly crawled into my lap, nuzzling their head into my collarbone. Softly purring. Melting all that pain and tension within me, if even for a moment. Soon slumber reclaims them. 

My reflection hadn't changed. Still blue skinned and red-eyed... but somehow, with this tender being in my arms, it all seemed a little better. They would have died in an extremely painful way if I did not have this form. Perhaps I only saved them out of some sort of self-preservation, though, that doesn't feel right. All my life being fed lies about my motivations when I know, in my heart that my reasons are pure. I saved them because they needed to be saved. 

I stand, and head towards the bedroom with them in my arms. They will be much more comfortable in there. I cannot help thinking about the laws, both biological and legal, of the Cattish. Mating with them during a heat makes us soul bonded. I have a spouse now. One that will need me near them for most of their natural lifespan. Sadly, I also know that a pregnancy is guaranteed when mating during heat, and the first time is always lost. This is most definitely their first, and it was trauma induced. I hope that they lose it early on, as it is so much harder on the mind and body as time goes on and things progress. 

We are soon both back in the bed. They snuggle close. Their gentle purrs taper off as deeper sleep claims them. I wrap myself around their form, feeling their heartbeat. A slow rhythmic lullaby that carries me off to sleep as well. Instead of night mares, for the first time in years, I sleep peacefully. No dreams, just peace. Maybe this kitten has became my salvation after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Its supposed to sound a bit hectic, due to Loki fighting for his life and trying to force himself to stay awake. Feedback welcome.


End file.
